Title : Pioneer Woman Food Network Cancelled
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Pioneer Woman Food Network Cancelled
welcome back. jon batiste and "stay human"right there! welcome back! ( cheers and applause )so good to be back. >> jon: real good to be back.
Pioneer Woman Food Network Cancelled, woo! ( cheers and applause )>> stephen: listen, john, these people are excited. i'm very excited tonight.
i'm very excited. just a minute we'll have janefonda and lily tomlin sitting over here. jay yeah, yeah! ( cheers and applause )>> stephen: i have made out with one of them. >> jon: i remember that. >> stephen: don't give itaway! we'll find out.
don't tell my wife! ( laughter )so what's going on? washington is a mess right now,but that's going to end soon because the white house justannounced that trump's son-in-law and leader of thepreppy camp across the lake, jared kushner, "will oversee abroad effort to overhaul the federal government." and the government desperatelyneeds overhaul. somebody keeps putting totallyunqualified people in charge of
really important stuff. that's gotta stop! ( cheers and applause )kushner will become the head of something called "the office ofamerican innovation." vague. but better than the originaltitle, "the bureau of obvious nepotism." ( laughter )kushner's job will be to lead a team to fix government withbusiness ideas.
you know he has great businessideas like being born into a wealthy real estate family. or "marrying" into a wealthyreal estate family. why hasn't the government triedthat? ( laughter )the new office "will be staffed by former business executives,and is being described as a swat team of strategic consultants." alpha niner, there is a budgetredundancy in the bureau of weights and measures, kick inthe door and shoot anything that
moves! ( laughter )but kushner has a bold vision for the office, saying, "thegovernment should be run like a great american company." and if they can't do that, likea trump company. ( laughter )( applause ) ( piano riff )you can go bankrupt. kushner went on to explain, "ourhope is that we can achieve successes and efficiencies forour customers, who are the
citizens." hold it a second. we're not customers. we're citizens. which means we own the stompletyou work for us, buddy. ( cheers and applause )okay? and i gotta say -- i gotta say,while we're on the subject, break time is over. we've got a clean up in aislefive.
somebody took a dump inhealthcare. so get the mop and go deal withthat. okay? no smoking. but i'll say this, if you'regoing to reshape the entire united states government, youwant someone who can really focus on it. luckily, the only other jobstrump has given kushner are "managing the dispute withmexico over trump's border
wall," and "brokering mideastpeace." ( laughter )ok, that's a little much for one family member. maybe they should give peace inthe middle east to tiffany. ( applause )yeah, there you go. that will take care of it. of course, jared will still havetime for his hobbies like "testifying before the senateintelligence committee on the trump campaign's ties torussia."
well --not if he overhauls the government first. business idea #1: no senate. we'll just try it! let's just run it up the flagpole and see if anybody indicts me. ( laughter )because there is one other small story i wasn't here to tell youabout last week. the fbi is investigating thetrump campaign for colluding
with russia during the election! you know it was a busy news weekwhen i'm only getting to the treason at 11:56. 11:58. ( applause )is that right? 12:02? last monday, fbi director jamescomey said this about an investigation that's been goingon since july. >> the fbi, as part of ourcounterintelligence mission, is
investigating the russiangovernment's efforts to interfere in the 2016presidential election, and that includes investigating thenature of any links between individuals associated with thetrump campaign and the russian government. >> stephen: wow! the fbi is investigating thepresident for colluding with a foreign power. that is historic!
the only way it would be morehistoric if you had told us before the (bleep) election! ( cheers and applause )i know you were busy! checking out the whole hillaryemail thing, but it would have been nice! ( cheers and applause )the trump administration denies there was any coordinationbetween their campaign and the russians. instead, trump thinks the fbineeds to change the focus of the
investigation, tweeting, thereal story that congress, the fbi and all others should belooking into is the leaking of classified information. must find leaker now! what? do i hear you correctly? you're mad that we found outwhat was happening? with russia. that's like saying, "stoplooking for the burglars, i want
to know who installed the alarmsystem. what did adt know and when didthey know it? sloman, you can't hide behindthat shield forever." ( cheers and applause )one guy under a lot of suspicion is former trump advisor and manwho bought a ferrari with his aunt's social security checks,paul manafort, who, in the past, has been paid $13 million bypro-russian agents in ukraine. but white house press secretarysean spicer says it's no big deal.
>> there's been discussion ofpaul manafort who played a very limited role for a very limitedamount of time. >> stephen: "played a verylimited role for a very limited amount of time." yeah, manafort was only thecampaign's chairman and chief strategist. he didn't have an important joblike "son-in-law." ( laughter )we'll be right back with jane fonda and lily tomlin.
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